Dear Friends
by RealityPublishing
Summary: Twilight Sparkle, ruler of Equestria and master of her name, tries to tell her late friends a desperate truth. With no one in light of truth, Twilight waits for a chance to reveal her sorrows, forgive herself, and learn a lesson long overdue. -RealityPublishing (Yes, this is a repost. I had a little mess with the chapter order. Forgive me for being new to )
1. Chapter 1 - Dear Friends

Twilight looked out to the stones, reading the engravements as though they were upon one of her own. Below each name was a title or something they earned before it happened; before they risked their lives. Twilight pushed aside the muddy papers she'd left there a month before, replacing them with fresh, new letters she'd written the last night. They were her remaining words, a truth she never told them. It was a word that could've prevented all of this. Still, she chose to keep her peace and watch her friends as they fall from the sky, reaching out to her as they were swallowed into the crevasse, never to be discovered again.

Light pitters of a nightly rain fell upon their heads. The heads of her friends, the ones lost to a tragedy of her doing. This was their field; this was their resting place. Nopony dared wander here, at least, not anymore. Twilight dropped the last letter by the sixth stone, slowly making her way to a tree she and her friends once enjoyed as a gathering. Before long, night would fall and a guard would ask,

"Shouldn't you be coming along, Princess?"

Twilight knew the routine well. She'd then sigh and look away into the everlasting sunset before somberly replying, "Just a few more minutes."

As this was the way it was set since they were forgotten. Forgotten to all but the one who lied, the one who could have stopped it and the one who could have forgiven. They were all she, of course, the one staring out from beneath a farmer's tree. A tree withholding life from her grasp below, no longer would this tree yield fruit for her, no longer would her friends respect her dying wish, no longer would she rest in peace. For no one, but the letters, knew her secret.

The princess pressed her bleeding hoof against the bark; it was a tradition. A payment of guilt is what she called it. A testament to her friends is what she'd pledge. For each night before the thirtieth, she'd cut below her wrist, draining her shame into a vial to use for ink, writing a letter worthy of sending. She wrote with a quill made from her own, pulled from her fine, pampered wings. Taken from the spines of her remorse, she wept; writing in which the blood she'd drawn would dry before she wrote. The tears she streamed and let go took aim, drenching the parchment before it, too, could be written upon. And although she'd tried a many times before, each stroke only seemed heavier than the last. With no pain removed from her scarred memory, she took to note the letters and remembered the past as though it lay before her, dying in the gorge whom slay her companions.

Twilight wiped the tears from her face, taking her seat beneath the fruitful tree so she could stare out once more. Each month, she did this. Taking the time from her duties to try and tell the stones her truth so she could rest happily the following night. Never before had she accomplished this, so in turn, she could not cease continuation. Her routine was known well by the guards and was often included in their opening statement:

 _"Do not bother the princess on the thirtieth"_

It was a quote taken lightly until they discovered the truth. Until they discovered what happened on that day. That day the world fell to pieces, and left Twilight the one to watch it unravel. Twilight recited the letters under her breath, shedding countless tears as she held together the strong face her teacher had taught. Remembering the days when it was simpler, and easy to forget, the days when she knew no one, but herself.

As the alicorn continued to stare out into the grave, an unpleasant guest, the rain, began to pick up, leaving the guards who waited, worried. As each of the three disputed who would go and who would stay, the princess waited. She knew of their nature, and it was only a matter of time before one came to ask for departure. As expected, one arrived mere minutes following the thought that occurred,

"Princess Twilight, how long will you stay?"

It was of different context, but in all the matter, it was still the same question. Twilight smiled; this was the new recruit,

"Just a moment longer; I wish to enjoy the rain."

The metal of glistening armor rustled in the downpour as he shuffled his hooves, unsure if an explanation would be outside his order. Twilight smiled once more, daring not to break the gaze of the stones to look at the soldier behind her.

"Speak your mind, dearest one. You wish to know why?"

The newbie guard looked around, wondering if he was truly the one being called for. The princess nodded, patting the ground beside her, signaling him to sit for a short while. As instructed, he did, taking his helmet from atop his head and setting it off to the side. He waited patiently for the princess to speak her mind, but all she did was stare. Stare into the rain to look down upon the tombstones of her lifeless friends. They were only memories, now; their legacy was only preserved through the stains of glass hidden behind the castle drapes. They were forgotten to all, but one. Twilight chuckled, turning to the young colt for the first time, seeing how inexperienced he was from the get go.

"My friends were brave," she began, resting her head upon the topsoil roots of the tree, "They were most courageous and kind. Loyal and daring, many would say."

She paused, staring out to the stones one last time. The guard fidgeted about, "W-What happened, your highness? What happened to your friends?"

The Princess Twilight chuckled once more, peeling her eyes from the distant memories, "Ooh, they're gone now. And… I fear it was because of my actions. The way they peered deep into my eyes when they fell. The cries they screamed when they yelled, falling to their death; I couldn't save them. No, I could've saved them, but I didn't."

The guard looked upon the princess with confusion, stuttering a question that would've been asked by many,

"But… why spend so much time here? It sounds as though you despised them."

"Despised?" She gawked, "Why would I do such a thing? I loved my friends! I… just wish I could've told them…"

The guard leaned in closer, "Told them what?"

The royal one sighed, lying her shabby gold crown upon the grass beside her,

"That I was the cause. I created this mess, but I only wanted to help them," she pointed toward the stone tablets sticking out from the ground, "those names were all my life. And now? Now they're nothing but a stained glass window hidden in the empty corridors of a forgotten castle."

"But I know who they were! I heard you and your friends saved Equestria upon dozens of times in the past!"

The aged princess laughed once more, "That's the past, my friend, and that's all but relevant."

Twilight Sparkle waved the guard off, calling to him from where she lay,

"Go on without me! I'll catch up in time!"

The guard, seeing no reason to argue, went ahead and told the others of his conversation. Having won the bet he'd made, the guards all went out for the night, leaving the sickly princess alone in the rain to mourn for one last time.


	2. Chapter 2 - Please Forgive Me

Caskets of wood rested atop the stage, listening tirelessly as a dear friend of Twilight's spoke words true,

"They… they were my friends, too. Each one of them, and… it was they who taught me… They taught me to be better than myself…"

Her head sank and her eyes gave in, joining the light evening drizzle in its practice. The audience, as large as Canterlot, wept for the princess's tragic loss.

"I-I just… wish I got to know them better," choked the student, struggling her way off the stage to make room for the still and composed Twilight Sparkle. The Princess shed not a tear, her head high above the rest. Extended to each side were the wings of honor, denial, and deception. As she turned to face the crowd, who, remained ever desperate to hear her words of regret, she, from the corner of her mouth, smiled and looked down at a small, white, script she had written in short time before arrival.

"To my friends who show their faces today, I thank you," She began, raising an elegant hoof to welcome the ones who came to share their feelings of despair,

"For these ponies who gave their lives for an, I'll be it, arrogant cause, I wish you a graceful departure from this land. You six will always be remembered as the ones who granted hope, and love, to this beautiful country we reside today. I thank you for the service you all have provided, and years you have granted me. I will forever always remember the times we spent, and the adventures we had protecting the land many of us choose to call home today. I would never be the pony I am now, had it not been for our eternal bond of friendship. As I leave my letters with you, I hope that through any means possible, you will forever remember me as I did you."

Twilight swallowed the choking lump that formed in the back of her throat, placing a letter beside each of the resting corpses while holding back the tide of tears that eagerly waited to release.

A crowd may have cheered for the speech, as thoughtful as it was, but nothing fooled the Princess. For each masked word of formality was just another crack in her fractured heart. What she wanted to say wasn't ready to be revealed before a crowd this large. What words rested in the letters, was a truth not ripe to unfold. As she walked down the isle, paved with mournful citizens, the words of a scripted eulogy echoed in her mind. Everything she wrote, couldn't she have just said it? Were the words she spoke even close to what was written? As Twilight Sparkle kept a high head upon her shoulders, she could only think of how much a fool she'd been, and how much disrespect she showed her friends by not revealing a painful truth.

" _If only Celestia were still in power, perhaps none of this would've happened,_ " Thought the heartbroken, youthful, and foolish Twilight, slowly closing the corridor doors behind her, and listening in as the crowd of tearful ponies carefully stood up.

" _Why couldn't I say it? Why did there have to be so many of them? Why did any of this happen? If friendship was supposed to include self-sacrifice, why couldn't I risk it?_ "

Before long, it would be she who'd lower the sun and prepare for the restless night beyond. The coffins of her friends would be transported to the Fields of Friendship, and the lowly Princess could begin her business as she always did during the nightly hours. As she stood upon that balcony, higher above the rest, Twilight began to weep. Holding the moon in her grasp, she looked back to remember the six who watched her cast in the moonlight. The six whom now lay, cold and fatigued; they wept not, but rested under an unexpected demise that ripped them away from the one who cared. An accident is what they called it; a murder is what she'd define. Twilight lowered her head, shedding but a single tear for the friends whom lost their way.

As the night toiled, so did the Princess who mourn. Papers that piled received no attention, and instead, they waited patiently as the crowd did earlier in the day. Sitting in the old wooden desk whose origins were of a familiar library, sat Twilight, who rested her head, lost in the memories of a discarded past. She dreamed of dancing along sunny fields, calling her friends' names aloud through the crowds of forever. Though she'd dance, sing, and play; nothing would hide the truth of her bleeding sorrows. As each of the seven spent their time in the fields, one by one they'd disappear, revealing identity as no more than a mirage to take their place in the lowly stones that slept through the night, and rested throughout the day. As wings grew and rain fell, the heads would speak to her, reminding her that no matter where she went, they would always be there. No matter what she'd say, her friends would be watching.

Weeks blew by, leaving the princess behind, the nights longer, and the guards worried.

"She's been locked away for a month now," they'd say, knocking on the door of their silent leader.

"Princess!" They'd call, waiting eagerly for even the slightest hint of their withering master, "Are you alright?"

Out from the silence, came a lonely, cold whisper that escaped through the sealed doors, "How may I help you?"

The guards, shocked for the most part, adjusted themselves, and told Twilight of their kingdom's struggles,

"It's Equestria, your majesty. Many believe it is but a mere shadow of its formal self. With you absent, who will we turn to?"

Twilight, coughing in the shade of drawn curtains, replied with a hidden smile, "Elect somepony else… if you truly have lost faith. Perhaps another suitable of speaking for me would be best."

With that as the final word, the two guards who worried, left the Princess in search of somepony else to call master.

It took great effort for the kingdom's citizens to decide, but with help from a close, northern ally, it became clear to elect nopony other than Twilight's own pupil, the one who spoke true at the time of loss. With her experience, and reformation, her opinion benefited all as she grew Equestria for the better. Twilight, as she remained inside, continued to perform her planetary duties with a heaving heart. Each time the moon rose, she was reminded of a bitter past and a forever-mournful future. Each time Twilight slept, she was forever submit to the torture that had befallen upon her restless subconscious.

As her student was crowned, Twilight looked down from the balcony and watched Starlight's coronation. Cheers of joy rang in the watchful mare's scarred mind as she could only think of regret, as opposed to the inspiring words spoken by the insightful young mare. No, Twilight did not attend the celebration, but instead chose to watch idly by as the student, who once enslaved, accepted her new role, and agreed to encourage and protect the ponies who honored her. As each guard greeted the newly appointed royal into the castle, Twilight appeared from the corridor, and greeted her long-lasting acquaintance with a welcome, but meaningless, smile,

"Welcome, Princess Starlight; how are you?"

The cheerful and newly selected princess, filled to the brim with joy, gave her loving mentor a long-deserved hug,

"Why, Twilight? Is that you? By golly, I haven't seen you since… well… I'll just say forever!"

As a subtle laugh echoed throughout the bear corridors, the guards smiled as they all agreed; laughter was indeed something they dearly missed.


	3. Chapter 3 - For the Pain I Have Caused

Twilight smashed her hoof against the wood table, screaming as she repeatedly bashed her head against the hard surface; she pouted, pitying herself for such a foolish mistake,

"Why…" she cried, falling limp to the floor, "How could I think of such a thing? Why would I make such a stupid mistake, as to let… my… IGNORANT… **PUPIL** TAKE OVER?"

The screams that flooded her castle, followed by loud cracks of wood, left no guard fearless. They dared not leave their post; they dared not approach the princess. For she had done this night after night from the time of the coronation, as pleasant an event it may have been, even she knew how to find disparity on the brightest of days.

It had been seven months since it first happened, two months since the new coronation and still, Twilight wept. Her eyes teared at the start of every morning, and each evening before bed. For her own reason, she could not forget them; they were her strength, her weakness, and her mistake. Though she no longer carried responsibility, thanks to Starlight, she continued to work on whatever it is she thought she needed to do. The little things were the only that ripped her mind off the thought of friendship; and although her duties as a princess were compromised, she still chose to acknowledge them. For the citizens of Equestria wouldn't have their day if not for her. She felt important when she raised the sun; she felt as though somepony in the world did care. It was special, and it made her feel special.

Twilight struck the wall with her two hind legs, creating a decently sized crater within. As she puffed, she fell to the floor, hitting her head against the stone pattern. She panted,

"Of all the things I could've done… why did it have to be this? What's so wrong with me? I-I didn't even care about them! Who could? They were worthless! **WORTHLESS**!"

She jumped her two front hooves onto the table and turned over the left while grabbing a small, metal tipped quill with her right. It was sharp, delicate, **capable**. She clenched it tightly, raising it high into the stagnant air, and wailed. Wailed like never before, squinting her eyes as she gritted her teeth, practically breaking them in the process. As tears began to build up, she peeked through her left and looked down at the damage she'd done. As blurry as her vision may have been, she made out her purple hoof and a white quill sticking out from within her wrist, greeted by a stream of ruby-red rivers, pouring in all directions. They flooded her desk, streaming down to touch the floors below; heartbroken and wounded, she sobbed. In denial and in defeat, she sobbed. Through pity, and through pain, she sobbed; for that was all she could do.

Twilight watched as the red current continued to consume the wood table; she laughed to herself, " _So this is my answer for everything, is it?_ "

It was a stupid idea: yes, but in her time of distress, what could she do? She had no one to talk to; no one who'd care. It was the only thing to make her stop. Twilight shivered immensely as she admired her work and pulled a blank scroll from the stacks that surrounded her. Unrolling the parchment, she watched at how quickly the streams of crimson had their way, soaking the document as though it were a desperate soul.

Twilight slowly pulled the pen as it clung to the flesh it mutilated. She moaned profusely as the reflective metal tip shown itself saturated in the red misery. With her magic, she held the quill high in the air, bringing it down on the parchment that lay drenched in her fluids. As she held the pen at the top of the page, and in ready position, she thought quickly before writing what she should've those many months ago,

 _"My Dearest Friends,_

 _I'm sorry for the pain I have caused, and for this, I must confess."_

As the stained-white quill whipped back and forth, Twilight's eyes scrolled through her writing. She had the most beautiful of cursive hoofwriting a pony would ever see.

" _Through these many months I have guilted only myself for your death. It was I who could've stopped it. I wanted to save all of you, if not, as many as I could. Instead, I wanted all or none. The day we all went out to explore, it was to celebrate. With the Summer Sun Celebration coming in just a few short days, I figured it'd be fine, but… it appears even a princess can make mistakes._

 _I remember the face Rainbow Dash made when we discovered that lonely stone tower. It was such a cool sight! With the way the day was turning out, it was like our very own adventure story! Sadly, that wasn't how it ended. I knew I should've turned back the very moment Dash was hurt. It was foolish of me to overlook such a thing. All I wanted was to celebrate our reunion, our friendship, but… all I got was this…_

 _When the towers collapsed and the gorge consumed, I tried to reach out, having only enough strength to carry Applejack. With Rainbow Dash wounded and Fluttershy too afraid, we… just couldn't make it. I'll never forget AJ's last words; they still haunt me today. It, like many of the others', was a cry for help. She wanted to be saved, but… I let go. I willingly let go. I didn't think I could go my entire life with only a piece of my happiness. I wanted everything. It was all, or nothing._

 _The fact that I couldn't even save Spike pains me to this day. I've known him all my life, yet I still wouldn't come to my senses. His coffin may have been smaller, but his place in my heart grows ever larger. I miss you all. Each and every one of you. For the times we've spent, I should've known then to think of only myself. Even though my apology would never make up for my irresponsibilities, I give it to you, to all of you, so that I may one day rest peacefully through the night and carry brighter thoughts of friendship with me forever in the world._

 _I'm Sorry For the Pain I Have Caused,_

 _Twilight Sparkle, Princess of~_ "

Twilight dropped the quill. The tears that fell upon the paper may have ruined the message, but it was no matter. She rolled up the scroll and slowly cracked the door ajar, peaking out as it was quite stiff.

"Hello?"

The guards hastily shuffled into position, startled by the princess's sudden appearance; it was a musty, humid night.

"Yes, your highness?"

Twilight continued to open the door until it fully revealed her appearance. For the first time, she smiled and took it upon herself to deliver the letter.

"Excuse me," she asked, politely nodding her head to the fellow on her left, "would you be so kind as to escort me to the Friendship Fields? I-I have some… business there."

The guard smiled, "Of course, your majesty"

The knights who lined the corridor all bowed as Twilight made her way to the end of the hallway. She smiled, looking back at the room who imprisoned her, the desk she bled over, and the floor she cried upon. Gazing down at the letter, dry from tears, crusty from sacrifice, and pure from hope, Twilight smiled, closing the doors behind her and leaving to see her one, and only, true, desperate friends, as this was the real ending she hoped to reach.


End file.
